WRONG E-MAIL ADDRESS

A man checked into a hotel.

There was a computer in hisroom, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile....

Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from herhusband's funeral.

The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted.

Thewidow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Reached

Date: 16 May 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW! Your loving Hubby

A FEW QUICKIES

Sagaai hui... Shadi Hui....
Biwi ghar main aayi....
ghar SWARG ban gaya....
aur main SWARGWASI....
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They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love and after marriage it is self-defense.

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After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice. He Checked 1st patient's eyes, tongue & ears by torch & finally said BOLE TO....

TORCH THEEEEK HAI....

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Like someone said....its difficult 2 understand GOD.

He makes such beautiful things as women....and then he turns them into Wives!

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When I call you

1 ring means i'm thinking of you

2 rings means i like you

3 rings means i'm missing you

4 rings means i need you

5 rings mean.... BEHRE PHONE UTTHA!

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Narad Muni dharti par madira peene aaye,12 botal pilane k baad theke wala: Apko chadhti kyun nahi ? Narad: MAIN BHAGWAAN HOON. Theke wala: Chad gayi saley ko.

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Hi! Need one gal 2 marry... Age no bar....Color no bar....height no bar....caste no bar....but gal's father must have his own bar.... CHEERS

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What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!

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Duniya mai! Bewafaon ki koi kami nahi....SURAJ ko hi dekho....

wo Aata hai USHA ke sath

aur Jata hai SANDHYA ke sath

sota hai NISHA ke sath

aur Uthta hai KIRAN ke sath....

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The wife stands in front of a mirror."you know, dear," she says, "Ilook in the mirror & I see an old woman, face wrinkled, fat legs & flabby arms." She turns to her husband & says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself." He thinks & then says in a soft voice,"your eye sight is perfect."

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Ladka: Janeman is dil mein aaja.

Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?

Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!

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It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

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Boyfriend: Sorry mein tumse shadi nahi kar sakta gharwale mana kar rahe hai.

Girlfriend: Ghar me kaun kaun hai?

Boyfriend: 1 biwi aur 3 bachhe!

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Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

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A for apple....B fr bada apple....C fr chota apple....D fr dusra apple....E fr extra apple....F fr fokat ka apple....G fr gol apple....H for ho gaya na pet kharab khake itne apple.

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Sita: Truck ka horn sunkar tum kaampne kyu lagte ho?

Titu: Ek truck driver meri biwi ko bhagaa le gaya tha, lagta hai jaise usko vapas laya ho.

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A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.

A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE....

A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND!

SANTA & BANTA

caiSanta bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610".

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Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical College.

Banta : Really, what is he studying?

Santa : No he is not studying, they are Studying him.

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What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?

Santa replied : All are born on Government Holidays.

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Santa falls in love with a nurse...

After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I love you sister."

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Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue?

Santa: Very long!

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Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.

Guess what did he ask next...Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.

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Santa went to battery shop and asked to change the battery.

The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?

Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?

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Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.

Santa: Hai.

Frog: Nahin hai.

Santa: Hai.

Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.

Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?

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Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.

The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.

Santa: I think I'll take the money.

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Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?

A: He is the one who erases the copies when the teacher erases the board.

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Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.

Banta: Santa u'll die.

Santa: No, u'll die b'coz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?

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Q: A Man a sked Santa, "Akal badi ya bhains?"

A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."

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Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?

A: Because it was an entrance exam.

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What's Ford?

Santa: "Gaadi."

What's Oxford?

Santa: "So simple, Bail Gaadi!"

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Santa: "My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage."

Banta: "He probably got a lot of applause when he got out."

Santa: "I didn't say he got out."

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Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever - What comes first - the chicken or the egg? O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

PHARMACIST FUN

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms.

The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.

The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

ANOTHER BLONDE

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas.

With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

PUNISHMENT IN HEAVEN

Three friends die and go to heaven.

The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.

''Why?'' he asks.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.''

The same happens to the second guy.

He asks why.

St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.''

The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.''

He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven.

The other two guys ask, ''Why?''

''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''

MISGUIDED

A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been travelling in circles.

''We're lost!'' One of the hikers complained.

''And you said you were the best guide in the United States.''

''I am,'' the guide answered, '' but I think we may have wandered into Canada.''

THE HIT & RUN CASE

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"

CLEVER BETTING

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money.

She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000".

The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye.

She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president.

"I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered.

"But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."

"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way hecould lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office ! with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before.

Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them.

"Of course", said the president.

"Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile.

Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall.

He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"